Concise web copywriting that spurs action

Correct:

Slashing through endless miles of lush vegetation  with a machete in the humid heat, sticky with sweat, and fighting leeches is what reading sloppy, verbose prose can feel like. If every sentence in a paragraph is a different version of its predecessor, you’re diluting the message. The phrase “in other words” adds nothing. Eliminate it. The word “basically” is superfluous. Stating the obvious, better have a reason. Engage emotions, stay on point and leave enough information out, so your audience craves more. Then give choices: make a purchase, make contact, learn . . .

Compare to this egregious example of the verbose and sloppy:

Today’s post is about words, and when sometimes you just might have too many. Wow, that sentence is one of the worst I’ve ever written, ever. Get ready for more examples of extra words that do nothing to further the message. Now picture this: Ever feel like your slashing through miles of lush vegetation with a machete? It’s humid and you’re hot, sweating like a pig with leeches all over your body. The ground beneath your feet is slippery and traction is poor. It can be irritating. You’re thinking I could be doing something else like updating my Facebook status or Tweeting; I wonder when the next Justin Bieber album is coming out. LOL!  In this scenario, the writer needs to trim the fat, modify the sentence structure. In other words, keep things simple. Basically, overdoing it can bore your reader. Simply stated, strong writing will hold the reader’s attention and that, my friends, is your primary goal. And, also, if you’re stating the obvious you should probably have a really good reason. So try and remove extra words; and remember, the easier your writing is to read for your audience, the happier everyone will be. A key element is to engage your reader’s emotions; stay on point with your topic of choice and leave enough information out of your writing, so that your audience craves more of what you are offering. Then give several options to choose from, such as make a purchase, make contact, or learn more about what your product or service has to offer. And just so you know it’s almost embarrassing for me to write this poorly even though it was intentional for demonstrating the difference between blah, blah, blah.

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